CV08 Recycles Suburbia, Is Powered By Chubbies

Die Maßeinheiten CV08 werden in den Vorstadtklimas entfaltet. Einen Hitze-Sensor verwenden, das CV08s null innen auf Gruppen "chubbies," die überladenen Bewohner von suburbia. Die rückseitigen Beine haben Abbildungen der Schaumgummiringe auf ihnen, zum der chubbies anzuziehen. Wenn sie genug nah erhalten, saugen die Beine alle chubbies oben in einen Fettabsaugungraum, in dem sie von ihrem überschüssigen fetten abgestreift werden und mit nanobots eingespritzt, um ihre Eignung und Stärke zu erhöhen. Das Fett wird benutzt, um das CV08 zu tanken, und das neue "thinny" wird mit einem Fallschirm gepaßt und schoß aus der Rückseite des CV08.

As soon as the world runs out of oil, suburbia is going to be obsolete and people are going to flock to compact developments along major transit lines. When that time comes, Australia’s Andrew Maynard Architects thinks that the best thing to do is build a fleet of giant robots to transform all those superfluous McMansions and lazy fat people into virgin wilderness and skinny bike riders. Here’s how it’s gonna work:

-The CV08 units will be deployed in suburban environments. Using a heat sensor, the CV08s zero in on groups of “chubbies,” the overweight residents of suburbia. The back legs have pictures of donuts on them to attract the chubbies. When they get close enough, the legs suck all the chubbies up into a liposuction chamber, where they’ll be stripped of their excess fat and injected with nanobots to increase their fitness and strength. The fat is used to fuel the CV08, and the new “thinny” is fitted with a parachute and shot out the back of the CV08.

-Meanwhile, cars and houses and stuff are sucked up by the front legs, leaving only the foundation (for future archaeologists to puzzle over). All of the man-made objects are separated, crushed, and sent to recycling chambers. The recycled materials are compacted into rocket shapes, loaded into launch tubes on the head of the CV08, and fired off to a recycling plant a few kilometers away. A small portion of the recycled materials are formed into bikes, which are equipped with parachutes and ejected for the use of the thinnies.

-Finally, the middle legs of the CV08 contain storage tanks full of native flora and fauna (koalas, wallabies, etc.) which have been frozen in carbonite. The plants and animals are thawed out and carefully placed into their new post-suburban habitat. Many of the plants will have been genetically modified to smell like donuts, attracting any stray chubbies to be captured by one of the hind legs.

This is such an obviously brilliant idea that I, for one, cannot wait until our oil reserves are gone and I have the pleasure of getting my fat sucked out by one of these machines. Be sure to check out the PDF describing the process with an awesome diagram.